Bullying - some questions and answers

Child Development Foundation

What is bullying?

It is an issue of much concern to many students, parents and teachers. Bullying may be defined as using power or strength to intimidate others, frequently with the intention of pressuring people into doing certain things. In her book "Bullyproof Your Child", Sue Berne comments that bullying is seen as the most stable of human behaviours i.e. it has spanned generations and cultures since the beginning of time.

What does it look like? Some examples from Keith Sullivan's "The Anti-Bullying Handbook" define three types of bullying as:

Physical:

• hitting, punching, pulling hair, damaging clothing or belongings

Verbal:

• abusive phone calls, name calling, racist or sexist remarks, threats or spreading malicious rumours

Non-Physical, Non Verbal:

• rude or threatening gestures, deliberately excluding or isolating a person, manipulating friendships, poison pen letters and now inappropriate texts and emails.

How does it affect the target of bullying?

All forms of bullying will have a psychological impact on the victim and more than one bullying behaviour may be engaged in at any time. While physical bullying may be reasonably recognisable in the form of bruises, cuts and so on, it can be harder to recognise the other forms of bullying. The following are a few signs, which in isolation may just be part of a "bad hair day", but it they occur frequently or as a cluster of behaviours they may be signalling that bullying is taking place.

How does it affect the target of bullying?

All forms of bullying will have a psychological impact on the victim and more than one bullying behaviour may be engaged in at any time. While physical bullying may be reasonably recognisable in the form of bruises, cuts and so on, it can be harder to recognise the other forms of bullying. The following are a few signs, which in isolation may just be part of a "bad hair day", but it they occur frequently or as a cluster of behaviours they may be signalling that bullying is taking place.

• Lacking confidence
• Lack of friends/invites to visit
• Anxious or fearful
• Nightmares
• Unapproachable (short fuse)
• Reluctant school attendance
• Deterioration in schoolwork
• Staying close by adults (or avoiding)
• Acting out behaviours
• "Missing" certain items

Why don't kids tell?

Valerie Besag, an English expert on bullying, says that it is not uncommon for the victims of bullying to deny that it is happening. They may then acknowledge that it is happening - but not to them, before accepting that they are being bullied and need help. Other reasons why children don't tell may be because they fear the bully finding out and taking revenge on them or their families. Or they don't think they will be taken seriously, or supported, or they've lost confidence and don't think anything can help to change the situation.

What to do if you think bullying is happening?

All the signs are indicating that there is a problem. You suspect bullying so what do you do?

• Tactfully raise the issue. If the child won't or can't talk about it, ask around - friends, siblings.
• Do some detective work. What happened, when, where, who was involved and record findings
• Find out if others saw what happened and can verify events
• Examine the evidence, torn clothing, child being excluded, appearing withdrawn and reluctant
• Parents should contact the school. Teachers should follow school policy/procedures.

What to do if bullying is occurring at school

Bullying is a community problem, which requires a community solution. Within schools this would mean having a school policy specifically targeting bullying - recognising it, dealing with it and following up.

• Group Philosophy - bullying will not be accepted or tolerated
• Group Policy - detailing what to do when bullying occurs, everyone knows and follows procedures
• Social Skill Programmes - focussing on communication, assertive behaviour and managing anger
• Co-operative Learning Groups - building friendships and attitudes of tolerance and acceptance
• Adult Supervision and Good School Layout - reduce the possibility of bullying encounters
• Range of Activities - keep kids busy, having fun together, using up physical energy
• Immediate Response - follow up on all reported incidents, seeing both bully and target of bullying and provide support as required
• Affirm Appropriate Behaviour - acknowledge and affirm desired interpersonal behaviours.

This article has been contributed by the Child Development Foundation of New Zealand a charitable education trust established to develop, implement, monitor and promote educational programmes, which are directed towards the development and enhancement of personal and social skills.  For more information, visit their website: www.reachingcdf.org.nz